Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Go Fund Yourself

The Internet has blessed us with a lot of things. You can google anything and have your results in seconds. You can self-diagnose, (my personal favorite!) order pizza, stalk your ex, look up recipes, and keep up with the Kardashian's. All this from the comfort of your living room.

You can also start a GoFundMe page. It's essentially a crowdfunding platform. Think of it as a fundraiser for...well, everything.

The other day I half jokingly said I wanted to start a GoFundMe page of my own. Not because I'm poor, or need a liver transplant. Because I can pay my bills and my liver still probably has some years left on it. But my daughter told me I'd be that asshole who would raise ten thousand dollars for my "I need singles for the strip club" campaign. (The strip club is totally hypothetical, BT dubs. Not because I don't support single (stripping) mothers to the fullest extent, but I'm from a small town. You can imagine the caliber of "dancers" we have with our four stop lights & meth lab to trailer park ratio. It's safe to say Juicy J won't be making it rain anywhere nearby). I digress.

Back to the GoFundMe idea.

People use this platform to raise money for sick children. It's also used to help people rebuild their homes after horrific accidents. All completely plausible reasons.

Then you have people like this:

This train wreck was trying to raise $800 to erase her very bad decision. (For those wondering, she surpassed her goal.) While I'm glad she was able to gather the funds, money can't buy you common sense.

Will's dumb ass needs drug money. Isn't the Narcan you'll no doubt need & receive enough, Will?

Ivory wants a bottle of Hennessy. Don't we all though?

This guy is going bald and needs hella hats. Who wants to break it to him that his hairline is still intact and it's going to get much, much worse?

This fucking idiot attempted to raise money for her much needed abortion. (I'm pretty sure birth control is still free, no?)  Looks like she raked in enough to cover 4 or 5 of them. Try not to run through that money too quickly, Bailey. Because GoFundMe has banned people asking for money to pay for abortions.

I don't know how this guy did it but he raised a shit ton of money in an attempt to make potato salad. Hmmm.

Yaya here is trying to pick up some white privilege. I'm certain even white people can't buy white privilege. But carry on, Yaya.

Jah, your mother wants you to put some clothes on and read a book.
I have a really novel concept. There are actual places you can go to get money. Yep, for real. In exchange for 40+ hours a week of work, they'll cut you a real life paycheck. I know, I know, your minds are blown.


Would you guys donate to any of these causes? If you were to make a GoFundMe for any ignorant reason and not be judged, what would your goal be? As for me, stay tuned for my own GoFundMe scenario.



  1. Very funny and these people are sad.

  2. Oh geesh, but the potato salad one is brilliant!