Monday, April 17, 2017

10 Things You'll (Probably) Hate About Me


Man I promise, I'm so self-conscious. That's why you always see me with at least one of my watches.

Just kidding. I was having a Kayne moment.

I've been blogging since October. Playing it safer than the guy who double bags it for sex and takes an antibiotic after. Don't get me wrong, I've been authentic. I'm a cheeky little thing. But my ass aside, I think I'm a sarcastic bundle of fun. (See what I did there? Double entendre or nah?)


I'm not really here for the perks. (Although if a company wants to holla at your girl, I'd be happy to oblige. My contact info is below.)

I'm here to puke my thoughts into the world. Isn't everybody?

A couple of months ago, Laura and I were sliding into each others' DMs. (Because that's where it goes down.) I asked her to send me a link to her favorite post. After all, my blog is but a mere infant. I'm still looking for my niche, still deciding on my direction. 

But that's a lie. A lie I've been telling myself since I started blogging in October.  I'm no longer forever 21. I know exactly who I am and I know exactly which direction I'm heading. (Most likely to the liquor store on Elm Street.) 

As some of you may have (pretend you have) noticed, I've been absent for a while. I lost someone very important to me last week. He was young, intelligent, and so very full of life. It's hard to believe that in one instant, he's gone. I'll never see his face or hear his voice again. I immediately heard that old cliche; "Life's too short." But it is. Life is so very short. Too short, in fact, to live life in a mediocre fashion. I don't want to spend the time I have left on this earth living half truths. I want to say what I mean and mean what I say. So here we are...

Unfiltered, like Grandpa's Lucky Strikes.
 The blogging world is pretty much the same as the real world. Opinions, strong personalities, prolific writers, Moms, and Dads. Funny people, bitter people, people who should educate themselves. Sweethearts and assholes. Yes, the blog game is no different than real life. 

Lately, I've found myself in a predicament. As I'm blog hopping, I come across posts that leave me shaking my head. More so, posts that leave me biting my tongue. That little voice says, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything." If I followed that mantra explicitly, I'd be mute. Believe that. 

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

I drafted a post way back in January. (Don't worry, it's coming soon.) Perhaps you remember? It was right around the time my fellow women were marching in the streets dressed as vaginas. Sticking their maxi-pads on walls and chanting about their period blood. The headlines of the news strewn with hate about our President. Bloggers claiming they're terrified, losing sleep over this rich man with a bad tan. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm moving out of the country" I'd buy you all a safe space to go you wouldn't come back. 

I'm not interested in turning my blog into a political parade. That's just not me. What I am interested in is no longer being the silent majority. God forbid I'm crucified for my vote. I'm proud of my country. I'm proud of our President and I hold out great hope that he's going to make America great again. Why would you wish for anything less? 

How many of you are going to stop reading my blog because of this? I don't know and honestly, I don't care. I still read your blogs despite the fact we don't share the same political views. I have a love for the written word in any capacity. 

In fairness of disclosure, I'm going to leave you with 10 honest things about me. You can decide then if you hate me or love me. 

1. I voted for Trump. There. I said it. Gasp in horror or high five me on the low. Either way. 

2. My friends refer to me as the anti-feminist. Don't worry. You'll come to learn why soon enough. 

3. I have a foul mouth.
©unt is my profanity of choice. How bout dah?

4. I support the legalization of marijuana.

5. I often don't put my shopping cart back in the cart corral at the grocery store.

6. There are only two genders.
You're a male or a female. You aren't an alien, a vacuum cleaner or a toaster.

7. I'm a gun toting, card-carrying member of the NRA. 

8. Being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen were some of the best days of my life.

9. I'm the product of a botched abortion.
 Yet I'm a pro-choice Republican. How's that for an enigma?

10. I'm not sorry and you'll never change my mind. 
Please remember this when you're leaving your comment below.

By the way, I missed all of your faces!


  1. So sorry you lost someone close. Can I say girl, I love your sarcastic bundle!! You nail it darling and I am like 80% yeah 8 outta 10 on your list!! Dang, Now I feel empowered and wish I HAD NOT put my cart back today at Kroger!!! LOL!!

  2. we disagree on many of these points, but #5 is the only one that I'm not sure I can get over. In all seriousness, I'm very sorry for your loss.

  3. I cracked up with #5 because what the heck does that have to do with anything haha! However I did have a friend go on a rant once on facebook about how lazy people are that don't put carts away (and I often don't either whoops, not sorry)