In the Event of My Demise

Last week I was M.I.A. because I was sure I was going to D.I.E. I didn't. But what I did do was mentally write an "in the event of my demise" letter. Because I'm morbid like that and Tupac did it first.

 I’ll be the poet and you, poetry. — François Coppée

So here it is, fresh from my cold medicine induced mind fog.


In the event of my demise
When my ass finally hits the floor
I hope I die on a Tuesday or Wednesday
Because Monday funerals are a whore
Pass on my beloved Louis V's and all my Jimmy Choos
For they cannot die with me
As I want to be buried instead in my sluttiest pair of shoes
I've come to terms with the fact that life has run its course
Last requests? I have not too many
Please just don't let the Uncle Dave violate my corpse
Now pour out a little liquor and wipe the tears from your eyes
At least you can say you knew me in the event of my demise

Tell me that Pac isn't my spirit animal. I dare you.

I rest my case.