As Moms, (and Dads) we see some scary shit.
The Cone-head Baby
You guys know what I'm talking about. Those diapers that make you want to just throw your baby in the garbage and start anew.
Once your sweet bae starts school or daycare, there's a fair chance they'll pick up more than the common cold. Yep, I'm talking about head lice. If your head isn't itching after reading this, I question that you're even a real person.
Kids go through that phase where their teeth are all over the place. Sideways, crooked, spaced out, overbite, underbite, you name it. Nine times out of then, they sort of just grow into them. Don't worry if they don't though, an ortho is more than happy to take five grand from you.
The Uber Tantrum
If you've already survived a toddler, you know even the sweetest kid can break bad when they can't have ice cream for dinner. I'm talking about a full on, throw themselves into the floor, screaming like they've been stabbed, hyperventilating tantrum. Don't worry. They won't need you to resuscitate them, but you'll be allowed to claim PTSD afterward.
You may get lucky and have a graceful child. But for most of us, E.R. visits are just par for the course. Broken bones, foreign objects in the nose, stitches, and surgeries-some parents really get a bad break here. (No pun intended.) Between the bloodshed and the insanely large hospital bills, parenting isn't for the faint of heart.
This is a very real thing, my friends. Linda Blair ain't got nothin' on these kids. A newborn baby can spew across a room and leave you wondering how something so cute can do something so disgusting. You can't exchange your child for another one either. You'll just have to get used to it and hope they outgrow this phase. (They usually will. If not, bless your heart.)
This is just the short list and in no way touches on your teenager. That's a whole other post. In short, embrace your sticky hellions. This is the easiest part.