Friday, February 3, 2017

14 Things I'd Rather Do Than Watch The Superbowl


Shoutout to all of you ladies who are about to be Superbowl widows. Of course, for some of you, this could be a good thing. I guess it really depends on who you're married to.


I don't do football. Truth be told, I wasn't even sure who was playing in the Superbowl this year until I started writing this post. I'm always rooting for the nip slip at the halftime show, though.


 In honor of Superbowl Sunday, I present to you, Shit I'd Rather Do Than Watch The Superbowl.


  • Go to the gynecologist. A gynecologist with abnormally large hands and a frozen speculum.
  • Attend a P.T.O. meeting. Sober.
  • Give Honey Boo Boo's Mom a foot massage.
  • Walk through a PETA protest with my mink dragging the ground.
  • Make a list of name ideas for Beyonce's twins.
  • Alphabetize the Olsen twins' diet pills.
  • Spend the day with Kanye, talking about Kanye.
  • Listen to the Kardashians talk about politics.
  • Get a discount root canal in an alley.
  • Go vegan.
  • Have sex with Shia Lebeouf and Justin Bieber. At the same damn time. (I know. I gagged too.)
  • Give up swearing for the rest of my life. Nah, I'm just fucking kidding.
  • Swim with sharks while I'm on day two of my period.
  • Get a Brazilian wax and immediately sit in a tub of rubbing alcohol. 

Do you watch the Superbowl? Who do you hope wins? Will there be a commercial about opioid constipation this year? Stay tuned!








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18 comments:

  1. I'd rather take a beating than watch the Super Bowl (or any other football game)! I don't understand the game at all, so ...

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  2. I am so grateful that my husband could not care less about the Super bowl and so we blissfully have no idea about when it is or who is playing until it shows up all over my Facebook news feed.

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    1. My husband is also not into sports. (One of the many reasons I adore him!) We win at life!

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  3. LMAO oh lord. I really don't like sports in general, either. This list made me laugh. I can't even with you.
    Thanks for linking up with #TrafficJamWeekend

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  4. My wife runs a New England Patriots FB group with thousands of members. She started it as something to do while I was f'n around on the computer doing blog stuff and is now more "internet famous" than I'll ever be. Why do they make these keys so loud...

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    1. Your wife sounds like a bad ass. I love it! Sorry she's more internet famous than you. I'm sure she'll share the perks with you though. ;)

      The keys are SO.SO.SO fucking loud. Maybe we could collaborate on a silent keyboard and get filthy rich? You down?

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    2. I'm in. All that clickity clack was killing me

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  5. As it turned out, my little boy came down with Vicious Funk and we had to bail on going to a neighborhood party. My hubby went to represent and I stayed home and went through my closet. (Honest-to-God, still doing it!) I think I had more fun doing that than trying to cheer at all the right times when I really don't give a shit!

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    1. LMAO, Mary! You make me smile! Sorry little man wasn't feeling well. Maybe he's allergic to football. (Who could blame him?!) Glad the husband got to go represent. I swear you have me knee deep in my closet. I can't decide if it's therapeutic or going to cause me to have a nervous breakdown. Time will tell! XO

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  6. Girl, you are killing me with this post! LOL hysteria! Thanks for sharing on #TrafficJamWeekend.

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  7. i am very lucky that Hubby has no interest in the stop start that is american football but we do love watching the half time show which of course is on youtube as soon as we get on our way to work. So I'm a happy bunny as we dont lose sleep on a stupid arsed game!
    However, how amazing was Lady Gaga last night? not a fan of her last two albums but she definately put on a good show! #anythinggoes

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    1. My husband doesn't get into sports either. (Thank God!) Gaga gave a great halftime show for sure!

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  8. LOL!! I didn't even know who was playing. I actually made a big Sunday dinner, ate it, and watched NetFlix. My hubby went to a friend's Super Bowl party, so I had a nice evening at home eating good and being lazy. I tuned in to catch some of the funny commercials, but I didn't see any.

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    1. That's why I love you...food and Netflix over football!

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