Friday, January 27, 2017

The Anti-P.T.O. Mom

Here's what we know. I am not a P.T.O. Mom. I'm honestly not trying to throw shade at these hands on Moms. I commend whatever it is you all do. If it helps the school, I can't be mad at that.


HOWEVER.

You'll never see me at these meetings.

 I have kids, a husband, a dog, and a mean case of OCD. Do you understand how many times I need to vacuum the carpet in a very specific pattern before I can even think about functioning for the rest of the day? Oh, and the homework. SO.MUCH.HOMEWORK. All the obvious aside, I don't like pants or people.

I will never carry a "Mommy" card.


I don't do play dates. 

By law, I'm only entitled to like my own children. (Some days they really try me, though.) I am not, however, obligated to like your children. Last year, my son had beef with a kid at his school so I attended his class picnic to scope out the kid who had caused us a year of grief. Ten minutes into my recon, Billy the Bully took a spill and it made me happier than I'd like to admit.

I will never be invited to (another) pottery night by the other Moms.


You know that whole thing where you get together with other Moms, sip wine, and paint ugly ceramics? I mean, I tried once. But silly me, I thought BYOB meant Bring Your Own Bong. I was wrong.
Seriously, though, who has a get-together and doesn't even have a keg? If I can't do a keg stand, I'm probably in the wrong place.


I'll never have a soccer Mom haircut.


I think this goes without saying. Unless you have this haircut, in which case, you look great. :)

I won't participate in the annual bake sale. 

On that note, you should just thank me. (Food poisoning isn't fun. I should know, as I've given it to myself several times.) Apparently, my rock candy contribution didn't gel well with the parents either.



Last, but not least, I don't participate in fundraisers

I'm not pimping any kid of mine door to door to sell $20 tubs of cookie dough. No apologies. I will, however, be more than happy to just write the school a check and call it good.


At the end of the day....


My Random Musings

Being A Wordsmith

Life Love and Dirty Dishes

http://www.devastateboredom.com/

Admissions Of A Working Mother



29 comments:

  1. Hilarious! I didn't know, and I hope it isn't real, that moms carry mom cards. I am thankful for the warning as if I were to have run into it in real life, I would probably have laughed in said mom's face.

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    1. No, they're a real thing! I swear. I've been given two and honestly didn't know how to respond. "Uhhh, thanks?" LOL...I hope you never run into one. ;)

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  2. I can appreciate the humor of this. A lot of the PTO/PTA drama and events really get kind of crazy, but really I doubt most people know what a PTO or PTA really does.

    I'm a PTO board member... Did you realize how much of your school is funded by the PTO? Our K-5 school's budget from the school district is about $65,000 to help 500 kids. That comes out to about $0.72 a day if you do that math. Our PTO brings in almost that amount at $40,000. As much as you don't want to hang out with the PTO moms, by avoiding fundraisers and events, you're only hurting your child's school. I'm not trying to scold, really I'm not, but I think most parents don't know how far reaching the funds from PTO and PTAs go. They don't get that kids don't go to science camps, books in the library wouldn't be there and sometimes even music and art programs wouldn't exist without the funds raised by these groups.

    I know some PTO and PTA moms can get carried away, but really you have to think of the PTO/PTA as a charity that raises funds for your school because the school district can't afford to fund all the things that we just had as kids without question.

    Sorry to stand on my soapbox but I feel really passionate about this. I know a lot of people don't have the time to help, but the money donations are what get things done around the school and without that schools would look extremely different.

    #trafficjamweekend

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    1. Not to worry. I return the fundraiser's with a check every single time. With no family around and the world full of pedophiles, I just can't get down with the door to door thing. You know? My son's school handles the money A LOT differently than yours does. If you move here and run ours, I'll totally hang out with you. It's unfortunate that depending on the area you live in, there isn't a single camp or program funded by the PTO/PTA. (Not a camp or program period, for that matter.) They bought a mini fridge and trophies last year. So not impressed. I love your passion though!

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    2. Wow Dr. Diva, I see exactly who you're talking about in this post with this comment from Zoe.
      It's great that you're so passionate about a school your child won't be attending forever. But Dr. Diva's son goes to science camp with HER dollars. Not the PTO's zip-lock bag full of quarters and nickels. I don't think she needs to hang out with PTO moms & go to fundraisers to make sure her child's school is doing what it should be on it's own. Good for you, though! :)

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    3. Preach! You know me too well.

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  3. Bwahaha! This post is fab, as always. I LOL'd at your rock candy!
    #FridayFrolics

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  4. Haha, love it! The trend of using kids as door to door salespeople hasn't spread to the UK yet luckily but it sounds like a recipe for disaster!
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes :)
    Debbie

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    1. It's terrible. The amount of sex offenders (just the registered ones) in the US is way higher than you can imagine. I don't care what ANYONE says, not sending my kid to a strangers door to sell anything.

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  5. Very funny! And thank you from every person in the world for not "pimping out your kids"!!
    The Mommy cards??? I have never heard of these! Thankfully!!
    Friday Frivolity

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    1. Thank you! I swear, the Mommy cards are a real thing. Why not though? In a world where you're encouraged to pimp the kids for fundraiser popcorn. No, thanks!

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  6. Fundraisers are the WORST!!!!! We just sent money and "donated" to the school, my children will not be a peddler or begger, lol!! This is fabulous and the need to compete with fellow soccer moms...no thank you! Luckily our youngest goes to a school where there is more diversity and no judgement, our older two did not and I do not miss those wanna be elite moms at all!!! You gave me smiles and laughter beauty!!! Love ya!!

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    1. This is why I love you...because you totally get it. My son goes to a school with minimal diversity and I hate it. The PTO Moms here remind me of the cast on Dance Moms. Gahhh. They aren't my cup of tea and I sure as hell am not their shot of whiskey, so I'll stay in my lane. Kisses!

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  7. I only ever made it to one PTO meeting and that was the one where there trying to lure newbies in so the had lots of wine. After that the meetings downgraded to digestive biscuits so I started giving them a miss ;-) #FridayFrolics

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    1. LMAO! I love it! Lured you in with wine and demoted you to biscuits. Definitely not the life for us! ;) Thank you so much for visiting me!

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  8. I tried it, but there are so many over powering characters on the PTA my voice doesn't get heard. I volunteer to help when I can but it's all too clicky for me! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

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    1. YES! Very alpha Mom environment. Don't get me wrong, I could be louder than them. But why bother? I don't have the mini-van or the soccer mom haircut. Sometimes you just can't get in where ya don't fit in. Thanks for visiting me, gorgeous! XO

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  9. I appreciate ANY mom (including anti-PTO moms like you!)who are unapologetically, authentically themselves AS LONG AS she is accepting of ALL OTHER authentic moms. (BTW, you are OK in my book, my Kardashian Krony). #happynowlinkup

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    1. AMEN! I'm with you-I'm all about mamas who keep it real, regardless of anything else. (You are undoubtedly one of those mamas!) Much love to my #KardashianKrony You rock!

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  10. Obviously people have mommy cards, but really.... I don't want my kid to play with your kid that badly. #happynowlinkup

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    1. LOL, Jen! Isn't it nuts? You'll sooner catch me with a Kate G. haircut than a Mommy card. ;)

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  11. If I ever had a mommy card, I would be too embarrassed to hand it out.

    Just sayin'....

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    1. I would be beyond embarrassed, haha.

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  12. That bong is awesome! I never get tired of your pics, memes, and gifs. Once my son reached school age, I thought I'd be a PTO mom. I tried to for half a second. Couldn't commit. LOL We're featuring you again this week on #TrafficJamWeekend going live tomorrow 2/2/17 at 5:00 pm CST. Thanks, girl!

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    1. Well hello, dollface! (That bong is goals. I'll bet I can pretend I'm a Pinterest princess and hook it right up. Ha! I'll keep you posted.)I always thought I'd PTO too, but nope, I'm just PT-no'ing. I'm so excited to be featured again! Woohoo!! Kisses! XO

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  13. I don't do fundraisers either. I ask what their goal amount is for each kid to sell, find out how much of that the school actually gets, and then write out a check for that. Thankfully our school recognizes that no one wants to buy candles and wrapping paper so they raise money by putting on pizza nights and bingo nights and stuff for the whole family. Which I 1000% prefer.
    #happynowlinkup

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    1. Right? First off, it's hard to sell ANYONE a roll of wrapping paper for $25. Just madness. But ultimately, I can't get on board with the door to door nonsense. Like do these people even watch the news? SMH. Thanks for dropping by!

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  14. Haha! I'm with you! I doubt I will be joining the PTA when mine starts school! Thanks so much for joining us on #FridayFrolics

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  15. Hahaha you are awesome and exactly like me. I love the breaking bad candy I would be all over that.I am also the worst cook in the world, I ordered pizza for my son's birthday over the weekend and threw some fish sticks in the oven, now that was pretty big for me! Haha ; ) thanks for the laugh and sharing with #stayclassymama!

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