Tuesday, January 3, 2017

New Year, New Me-Stop Trying To Make It Happen


Christmas is over and we're officially in the throws of Facebook feeds full of "New Year, New Me" posts. The resolutions are being thrown left and right. Jody is going to start eating clean and Seth is going to use the gym membership he got as a Christmas gift. Effective January 1st, Allie is going to lose her baby weight even though little Malachi is twelve now. I don't do resolutions. I am however vowing to be more positive.



They say if you can't change your fate, you should change your attitude. I couldn't agree more. None of us wake up radiating sunshine and beaming positivity. I know that I don't. However, I've been on a long journey in an effort to crack the code to being more optimistic and it's pretty simple.

1. Set small goals.

I have a friend who is an exercise fanatic. She jogs every day, even in the Winter. I think she's an idiot, but she'll probably outlive me by twenty years, so who's the real dunce? Anyway, I don't jog. I will never jog. Instead of pretending I'm training for a marathon, I simply park my car as far back in the liquor store Target/grocery store/mall parking lot as possible.



This way if someone asks me if I workout, I can legitimately say YES. It's cardio and it also keeps douche lords from rolling their carts into your car. Everybody wins.

2. Empower yourself.

I've suffered from anxiety since I was a small child. I was born high strung, I'm sure of it. My husband suggested a book to me a couple of years ago. I'm pretty sure he was worried I'd shank him with a butcher knife, claim a PMS disorder, and be free. In any event, his book recommendation was on point. (The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, (It's fab, by the way.) It basically talks about how important it is that we live in the moment. Yesterday is over and tomorrow doesn't matter. It's all about being truly present in life.

I am presently thinking about how my bedtime Bourbon will taste later. 


 

The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment


3. Fake it 'til you make it. 

I'm a firm believer in faking it until you make it. (Excluding faking orgasms, because that's only cheating yourself, ladies. Write that down.) Be it by making vision boards to manifest your wants into reality, practicing good karma, or working your ass off to make shit happen. For example, I'm getting dangerously close to Botox age. I know I can't beat the aging process but I also know I'm not quite ready to shoot botulism into my face. Fake it till you make it. If you can sob hysterically for 10-15 minutes, the puffiness will give you a just filled face. Sunken in eyes, be gone. The swelling around your eyes shaves 10 years off your age. Trust me, I know. Sure I discovered this life hack by accident, but it works and you can cry free of charge. You're welcome.




My Vision Board via HayHouseVB

4. Just breathe.


Preferably at your dentist office. That makes it legal. I kid, I kid. Sort of. Not really. 

In a world full of distractions, stress, and ignorant people, I think it's key to calm your soul. My great-Uncle recently moved to Colorado and he's found some helpful ways to find his zen.



Okay, so Mary J. may not be for you. But if you ever meet my Uncle, you'd probably buy a KeefKat. I'm just saying.

Of course, there are more legal ways to regroup. Taking a timeout, counting to 10, power napping, Xanax and chill, and my go-to, yoga.



Yoga is not only a great form of exercise, (the kind you don't have to sweat or run while doing) but an amazing way to unwind and clear your head. Bonus points for getting flexible af. Anyone can do yoga, you can do yoga anywhere, and it's free. I love that you can be as basic or advanced as your heart desires. I love the calmness yoga brings me and can't be mad at the yoga ass I've obtained. 



Whatever floats your boat, though. Just make time for you to decompress, even if it's just for a few minutes a day...locked in your bathroom...drinking from your personalized flask that you hide under the bathroom sink. 

Finally,

5. Trim the fat & I'm not referencing the Christmas weight you gained. 



Ditch all of the negative energy in your life. Toxic friendships, they gotta go. Opportunists masquerading as family members, Bye. Don't think twice about cutting ties with people or situations that are holding you down or making you feel some type of way. It's like my stoned Uncle always says, "It's better to have a a couple of good really good brownies than a whole pan full of crumbs." 

Anyway, Happy 2017! Did you make a New Year's Resolution? Tell me about it!
Epic Mommy Adventures


My Random Musings
My Random Musings

19 comments:

  1. Love these. "Fake it till you make it" Seriously, that is how I get by every day. I wonder when the "make it" part happens! #happynowlinkup

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    1. We gotta just keep on keepin on, right? We should drink more, that way if the "make it" part never happens, at least we'll be able to say we had fun. :)

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  2. I mother flipping love this damn post!!! I'm the cardio parking at the end of the parking lot gal today. In fact, today, I looked down and realized I wore my "running" shoes to the grocery store and thought...I'm EXERCISING now bitches!

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    1. LMAO! YES! I find if you wear yoga pants and running shoes, you look like you work out, so you can in fact say you work out. It's the law.

      PS I'm working on our best bitches straight jackets. ;)

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  3. You are so stinking brilliant, I nod my head the whole time I read your posts girl! Fake it till you make it, man I probably do that way too much, ha ha! I'm actually working on a post about removing the toxicnessfrom your life too. So important as none of us got time for that! Happy new year love!

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    1. You just put a huge smile on my face, Andrea!

      Looking forward to your post about removing those toxins...Lawd knows everyone could benefit from that! My circle has certainly gotten MUCH smaller, but the pay off was beyond worth it!

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  4. Ahahaha you're hilarious! Glad to have stumbled across your blog. ;) And I actually JUST listened to the audiobook of the Power of Now, and it is amazing... SO good. So we bonded over that too. ;P

    PS I'm a cohost of a link-up I think you might like, called Friday Frivolity... it goes live Thursday nights if you want to come by and join us! :)

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    1. :) Thank you!!! I love a new face! Love that you just finished the Power of Now, it was super helpful to me. (I'm a wee bit high strung, lol.)

      Can't wait to join you for Friday Frivolity...you will definitely see me there! Thanks for the invite and for reading my blog. :)

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  5. I'm so excited I found you via the #happylinkup. My resolution is to live more in the present and to be impeccable with my word. I'm honest with others, just super hard on myself internally. So this is the year of being nice to ME.

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    1. I love your resolution. In fact, it's the most legitimate one I've heard. You'd think it would be so easy in to live in the present, but it takes a lot of effort. YES to this being the year for being nice to you! Love that & so glad you found my blog. Coming to return the favor. XO

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  6. This is a fantastic list and so right on. Attitude is important, but it isn't going to get us where we need alone, right? Small, realistic and consistent goals that are easily alterable so that they can fit and mold into our lives really help. I needed to read this today. Thanks.

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    1. Thanks for reading, Jen. Yeah, I'm a baby step kind of girl. I don't like to set myself up for failure. So I'll keep taking it one teeny step at a time. Happy Thursday!

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  7. "If you can sob hysterically for 10-15 minutes, the puffiness will give you a just filled face. Sunken in eyes, be gone" lmaaaaaaaaaaaaao

    love this so much

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    1. I swear, it'll be a brand new you and costs zero dollars. :)

      PS. SO excited you stopped by. I love your blog!

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  8. OMG that child support meme!!! Laughing so hard right now. Truthfully, though, most of us could probably use a bit more positivity in our lives. Positivity and wine (or bourbon). Thanks for joining us again at the #happynowlinkup!

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    1. The child support meme totally done me in too!

      I love that you know my drink of choice. :)

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  9. Great post! You had me cracking up. Great sense of humor. Sharing!

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    1. Hey you! Thank you so much. :)

      Visiting your blog now, stalking your social media, etc. No need for a restraining order though. I promise I'm mostly harmless. ;)

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  10. I never bother making New Year's resolutions because I know they won't last!
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes :)
    Debbie

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