Happy Tuesday, everyone. It's not Monday and all is right in the universe.
But not really, though. I want to talk about pet peeves instead. You guys down with that? We all have a list of things that we can't stand, amirite? Some of us have longer lists than others, but without a doubt, everyone has at least ONE thing that makes them want to throat punch someone.
Here is my (cut very short) list:
Important does not have the letter D anywhere in it.
I'm not sure why people insist on saying "Impordant" rather than "Important." It's a T. How is this even a thing?
Half-assed product reviews.
I don't care if you love that cage bra from Vic's Secret, or even that you slept in it last night. I need to know how much you weigh, your measurements, cup size, and what size you bought. Did it fit you just right? Too big/too small? Pretend you're Goldilocks and do better. (By the way Ann from Michigan, I'm the one that gave your "review" a thumbs down.)
Now I'm not sure if your Mom didn't hug you enough as a child or if you're unsuccessfully crying out for attention, but I hate this shit.
Mary is "wondering if it's all really worth it?"
Mark is "thinking that was a bad idea."
If you don't know what this is, simple tune into Keeping Up With The Kardashians, visit a college campus or have a quick lunch at Chipotle. Once you hear it, you'll never be the same again.
Dumb or excessive hash-tagging.
Literally used literally incorrectly.
The overuse of the word co-parenting.
I blame this on Teen Mom and more specifically, Dr. Drew. Tune into an episode and take a shot every time you hear "co-parent." Come back and tell me how super wasted you got.
"I just want us to co-parent."
"Yeah, we've been co-parenting really well."
"It's so hard to co-parent with him."
Co-Parenting Tip Number One: STOP SAYING CO-PARENTING.
Had you not co-had sex with each other, we wouldn't be in this situation.
When people say "Jesus take the wheel."
Jesus isn't going to take the wheel. It's your car, drive it. Besides, Jesus isn't licensed and probably isn't insured either. Jesus is busy. Take the bus.
The phrase "We're pregnant."
We don't have to let men in on this, ladies. Their contribution to the process deserves a nod, at best. We (WOMEN) are doing the real work here. Your baby Daddy can sit this one out. Don't agree with me? Talk to me after "WE" have been in labor for 42 hours and "WE" push a baby out.
So here's my question for you......