Vajazzle - Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vajazzle
A
I have no shame, so I didn't think twice about sharing my Vajazzle story with you guys.
I love bling. (Who doesn't?) Diamonds, rhinestones, Swarovski crystals; I've got them. In my ears, on my fingers, neck, & wrists. So when I first heard about vajazzling quite some time ago, I was like "yes, please!"
I carefully chose a few designs and placed my order. Then I waited.
My sweet little old mailman delivered my package, having no idea that he was handing over my vajay bling.
For inquiring minds, you should either get waxed or shave before application. Think Damon Wayan's head.
You feel me? Okay. The design peels off its packaging and you then place it directly onto the desired area. It was actually really easy. I admired my Picasso-like work in the full-length mirror.
I'm not going to lie, you guys. I was pretty damn impressed. I'll spare you the raunchy details, but suffice it to say my decorated downstairs unleashed my inner pornstar . I'll leave it at that.
That evening, I started having sharp, stabbing pains in my side. Convinced it was probably a UTI, I started chugging water. Which led me to the bathroom a hundred trillion times.
The morning of day four greeted me with a fever. At this point, I had forgotten my
"It's probably bladder cancer. Do you think? Can women get
I get to the E.R.
Ladies, you know what this is. The dreaded speculum, or as I like to call it the shoe horn.
"Are these
"
"I think those are
That's when it hit me. They were talking about my V bling. Why didn't I take this shit off before I got here?
"No, no, no. I'm
"You're what?" Asked the doctor as if he were partially deaf.
"
"I think I have a tumor in there," I told Dr.
After a quick pelvic exam, Dr.
Crisis averted or so I thought. I ended up needing surgery on my kidneys (unrelated to the Vajazzle experience, for the record) and spent a week in the hospital. I was told my
Have you ever vajazzled ? Would you? Are you mortified for me?
HA HA HA! Poor doc, was like wtf? You're crazy. Sucks that harmless bling brought you to kidney surgery! Great post though, good laugh. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete#TrafficJamWeekend
It wasn't the blings fault, it was the substandard kidney's fault. LOL. Have a great weekend! #TrafficJamWeekend
DeleteHa ha ha. What's the chances? Glad you can laugh about it later.
ReplyDelete#PicknMix
lol I swear to you if there's a 1% chance something will happen, it'll happen to me! Thank you so much for reading!
DeleteWhy oh why did I choose to read your post in my doctor's waiting room? I am snorting! No, I haven't vajazzled and definitely plan to never do it now! I guess all those porn star acrobatics backfired on you. ;-) Thanks for sharing your story (NOT over sharing in my view). #picknmix
ReplyDeleteBwhahaaa! It brings me such happiness to make someone laugh in public. :-) Bonus points if someone witnessed it & assumed you were crazy.
DeleteYou can bet I'll never vajazzle again unless I take a vow of celibacy. (So never. Lol)
I love that you didn't think I overshared. The blog world is a tricky balance!
I believe I told you that I've been bingewatching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix. Well, I just watched the vajazzled episode! HA This made my day. Thanks for sharing on #trafficjamweekend.
ReplyDeleteI've never tried vajazzling and after this I don't think I ever will haha! you must have been mortified trying to explain a vajazzle to the doc lol
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes :)
Debbie