Friday, November 11, 2016

Tupac Is My Spirit Animal


So I have a confession. I'm the original trap queen. (Sorry Fetty, even before you made it a thing, it was my thing.) If you ever find yourself in my car, you'll likely be listening to Juicy J, Jeezy, Kevin Gates, Ice Cube, Gucci Mane, 2 Chainz, or Tupac. 




Especially Tupac. He is most definitely my spirit animal. But I don't necessarily think people look at me and instantly assume I'm someone who can rap Hit 'Em Up and not miss a single syllable. Or that I immediately turn into Nicki Minaj when I'm in my car. But I can and I do. My kids are mortified I'm sure.

Check. 

Embarrassing my children is something I take pride in, something I accel in. Don't judge me. But last week my own game bit me right in the ass. I had several appointments, the first one being a dentist appointment my daughter had. She asked me if I'd go with her because even as a grown ass woman, she still needs me to hold her hand. As it should be. I rode shotgun and immediately commandeered her AUX cord. We arrived at our destination just as Too Short faded out to welcome Tyga & Wiz Khalifa. (Who doesn't love a good collab?)

It was senior citizen day at the dentist apparently because the place was wall to wall with adorable purple haired great grandparents. I scanned for empty seats while my daughter went to check in. I spied a couple empty chairs and sat down. This waiting room, in particular, is all of 18x12 feet. I could smell the Old Spice and Bengay. In an attempt to keep myself busy, I tried to match the smells to the seniors. Then I tried to count liver spots but got overwhelmed. So I pulled out my phone.


And that's when it happened. I used my fingerprint to unlock my iPhone and immediately Wiz starts rapping. Loudly. Apple was doing me dirty and wouldn't respond to my frantic attempts to shut off my music app. 

"Bitch, I'm young Khalifa."



God. No! Shhhh. Wiz, you gotta stop!

"Filling my lungs with reefer."

Wiz, we can't talk about weed in front of the elderly people. 

I'm furiously trying to turn the volume down at this point. I hope they don't know what reefer is. 

I dared not make eye contact but could feel the entire room staring at me through their bifocals. Then I heard my daughter giggle.

In a last ditch effort to quiet the music I love oh so much, I shoved my phone between my thighs and hoped for the best. Finally, there was silence. I legit had beads of sweat on my forehead. I knew I had to do damage control. Thank God for my cat-like reflexes and quick thinking. My daughter made her way to take a seat next to me. Shit eating grin on her face, I knew I'd never hear the end of this.

"Mommy, tell me about the time Grandma was bumping rap music in the dentist office." I could almost picture my future grandchildren asking my daughter to retell this little gem. 

I immediately extended my arm to my daughter, frantically trying to push my phone into her hand. I pretended to be horrified. She looked confused because I'd sooner tell someone to just cut my whole hand off than to take the lifeline that is my cell phone. 

"What?" My daughter asked grinning that sinister grin that she no doubt inherited from me. I push my phone at her again as she takes the seat next to me. 

"Mom, why are you trying to give me your phone?" She was clearly confused by my plot to pass the buck to her. Oblivious. She didn't take the bait, so I safely tucked my phone back into the confines of my thighs. 

I've never been so happy to be called out of a waiting room. But for the record, I listened to N.W.A. all the way home. You can take the girl out of the hood but.......

I'm a thug on the inside. I can't help it. Beneath the NARS blush, under the cute cardigan, and behind the Marc Jacobs bag, I will always secretly be a gangsta rapper.

Here are 5 rap songs I have on repeat right now, just in case you're looking to diversify your own playlist. 

1. Tupac (obviously) Dear Mama. If you're really brave, Hit 'Em Up.
2. Kevin Gates - Tomorrow
3. Schoolboy Q - There He Go
4. Lil Wayne - No Worries
5. Drake - For Free

And I'm linking up with a whole slew of fabulous. Check them out!
Life In Leggings

My Random Musings

Being A Wordsmith

DomesticatedMomster
Life Love and Dirty Dishes
My Random Musings

16 comments:

  1. Ha ha! Love it! What goes on in your own car is entirely your own business. I'm not one to judge ;) Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

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    1. :) Thank you! And thanks for the link up too. I'll see you next week for sure.

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  2. Too funny!! Happens to the best of us lol. Trap or die!!

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    1. LOL I was so embarrassed. Trap or die!! :)

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  3. Thanks for the giggles, dropped by from #FridayFrolics and sooo glad I did. Hope this weekend treats you kindly. :)

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    1. Donna, thank you so much for visiting and taking the time to read! On my way to your place right now. :)

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  4. Lol! I loved reading this! I am also a trap queen! Love my ganster rap! My parents hated when I was a teenager (its when I feel in love with hip hop!) My music drove them crazy. Thanks for the laugh today!! #monsterlink
    -Samantha

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    1. Yassss! Trap queens for life. Thanks for stopping by. Glad that the #momsterslink united us. :) XO

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  5. Haha, love it! Love a bit of a Tu-pac too but I have had a few similar situations with Kanye blasting out of my car :-) #FridayFrolics

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    1. I love Kanye's music too. Although his newest stuff doesn't compare to his older albums. Thanks for visiting me! :)

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  6. Haha - I love it! I think we've all done this, haven't we? & it always becomes the one time you for some reason cannot find stop, pause, mute or off!

    Thanks so much for joining #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time.


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  7. Thank you for reading & hosting. Will definitely be back next week!

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  8. Oh this is amazing, I love that you tried to pass the buck!!! Such a fantastic story to tell the grandkids (ps is Tyga the one with one of the Jenner sisters?!)

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  9. Now that is a hilarious moment for story telling now and in the future. Funny thing is there was probably a few old people who got a chuckle. I have known some old people in my life whose youth never escaped them....just their bodies. I too love to crank up the music with my kids in the car and they have learned to sing along usually stopping when they know the "bad word" is coming but giggling amongst each other. Why are bad words so amusing to little kids? Even fart and poop belt out such laughter and they say those words often! Thanks for the giggles and for linking up with #momsterslink Hope to see you again any Thurs-Sun!

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