Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Feed Me and Tell Me I'm Pretty - Pineapple Express

You know what goes best with Hump Day? Food, of course. Welcome to Feed Me & Tell Me I'm Pretty.

Did you know....

Pretty impressive, right? In recognition of the delicious and medicinal pineapple, I have some great recipes to share. Here we go!

Delectable pin loading below.

Can't get enough pineapple? Here are some honorable mentions:

Pineapple Orange Creamsicle Mimosas
Pineapple Fluff
BBQ Chicken Grilled Pineapple Nachos
Pineapple Rum Punch

I'll end this with an age old debate-pineapple on pizza, yes or no?

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Web Roundup - Kanye, Conning Your Kids, and Killer Squirrels?

Another week of nonsense has hit the fan and I'm here to dish it to you with my Web Roundup.

Kanye West had another infamous onstage tantrum this week, leaving his fans hanging after just three songs. 'Ye basically asked Jay-Z not to put a hit out on him, praised T. Swift and Beyonce, & declared had he voted, he would have voted for president-elect Donald Trump. The always eccentric rapper was allegedly hospitalized Tuesday morning after exhibiting 'erratic behavior.' (Hasn't he been erratic for a long time?) His PR people are saying he's simply suffering from "sleep deprivation" but we all know what that's code for.


Other media outlets are reporting West being handcuffed in an ambulance on the way to the hospital for a psychiatric hold. Much needed 5150 or lack of sleep? We'll see how that plays out. It's the Kardashian Kurse, y'all. Still not loving Kanye, but I really do hope he gets the help he needs. 

*Update-Kanye is still hospitalized at UCLA Med Center and is said to be paranoid. Still, no release date being given at the time of this post.

With Thanksgiving over, it's time to start making way for Christmas. Santa may really know when you are sleeping & definitively whether or not you've been bad or good. I guess this is one way to keep the kids in check. If you can persuade your kids this is legit, here's a link to a DIY version. If my kids were younger, I'd so be about this. Whatever keeps the home front a decibel quieter, I'm down for it. All is fair in love and parenting. 

Hide your grandparents! A senior living center in Florida reported a sinister squirrel terrorizing its residents. Three people, including one staff member, were treated for bites and given rabies shots. It's not safe out here, I'm tellin ya

And this has been your short and sweet, web roundup. 

Epic Mommy Adventures
Epic Mommy Adventures

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Feed Me and Tell Me I'm Pretty - Thanksgiving Pregaming

If you're reading this, happy hump day! In case you're wondering, I did follow through on the spaghetti and garlic toast grilled cheese that I shared last week.

 It was absolutely delish. In a not-so-shocking turn of events, my finished product did not look like it came from a Martha Stewart cookbook. Pinterest fail in terms of presentation anyway. I'll definitely be doing this again.

Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I thought I'd find something that fits that theme to share today. It's all about pregaming. Here's what I came up with!

Delicious Pins Loading Below. :-)

I can see myself double fisting these tomorrow and if your family is as dysfunctional as mine, you'll do the same. I can't in good conscious send you off drunk with no food in your stomach so I'm tossing in this gem I stole from Andrea @ Living on Cloud Nine.

Someone come make this for me?

What food/dish are you most looking forward to on Thanksgiving? 

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

It's Cuffing Season - The Cliff Notes

The temperatures are dropping, we're all putting on our winter weight, and some of us are about to be snowed in for a long winter. That can only mean one thing. It's cuffing season. If you have no clue what I'm talking about, let me break it down for you with the help of Urban Dictionary. 

During the Fall and Winter months, people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be "Cuffed" or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.
Contain your shock, this is a real thing. It can't be a coincidence that I met my other half during cuffing season. So in honor of it, I've compiled some important information for all you singles out there, essential for this not yet on the calendar holiday. 

1. Nobody will cuff you if you have chapped lips. This applies to men and women. Equality and whatnot. My personal favorite products are Jersey Shore Cosmetics Vanilla Bean Anti-aging Lip & Hand Polish & Chapstick's Pumpkin Pie. (Which is seasonal and kind of difficult to find. I managed to pick up multiple three packs the other day. Obsessed af.)

Is bae on the way and you don't anything for your lips? Slap a layer of Vaseline on your lips, dip your finger in some sugar and scrub away. Being cheap is acceptable, being chapped isn't.

2. Arm your medicine cabinet. 
We all know what Netflix & Chill is about, so don't breed on the first date. Choose your birth control method, ladies. (We're always the more responsible ones.) The pill won't save you from STD's though. Nobody has time for that. Use a condom every time because chlamydia ain't cool. Someone trademark that. 


3. Netflix & Chill playlist. 

Everybody needs a good Netflix and Chill lineup. I'll help by starting you out with my picks for your viewing pleasure. You're welcome.
  • XXX
  • Would You Rather
  • The Loft
  • The Machinist
  • The Uninvited
  • The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
  • Dope
  • Clerks
  • American Horror Story - Asylum
  • 10 Things I Hate About You
4. Believe in yourself. Confidence is sexy. Nervous? No problem. Just add Hennessy, the king of liquid courage and the reason some of us have that one unexpected child. 


*This post is in no way sponsored by Hennessy, but if they should see this post and want to comp me a bottle...

Epic Mommy Adventures

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Web Roundup - Dr. Fraud, Bitches Love Nachos, and Krispy Meth?

Let's get in our last pre-Thanksgiving Web Roundup, shall we? If you're new here, Web Roundup is simply a collection of jaw dropping, head scratching, & sometimes even cringeworthy stories. All compiled by yours truly, for your entertainment. Or disgust. It depends on the week. 

A barely recognizable Shelley Duvall has lost her shit and "Dr." Phil Fraud got the interview with her. Leave it to the good doc to exploit the mentally ill on television. His ratings must be suffering, being a faux doctor and all. It made me wonder where her people are? Does she not have a family, friends, or even a stranger that could have intervened and not let her go on t.v. ranting about shape shifters and government conspiracies? Add this to my list of reasons I can't stomach Dr. Phil. 

Moving on to things I CAN stomach, nachos.

Who doesn't love nachos? Crystal Hotlosz certainly does. The 36-year-old from Ohio was busted in an undercover sting after posting an online advertisement offering sex in exchange for $50 and some nachos. Sources say she later changed her asking price to $60 + nachos. An undercover cop met up with her outside of a Mexican restaurant where she casually asked him if he had the cash and nachos. She was arrested without incident, charged with solicitation, and didn't get her nachos. Yes, for real.

An Orlando police officer is probably hiding his face after mistaking Krispy Kreme donut glaze for meth. During a routine stop for speeding, the eleven-year vet claims he noticed a "rock-like substance" on the floorboard of the vehicle he stopped. Certain it was meth, he arrested the motorist. State labs have since come back clearing the gentleman of the possession charge he was arrested with. (Wait for one hell of a lawsuit.) I knew donuts were evil, but I'll think twice before Krispy Kreme'ing and driving in the future. Imagine the flack this cop is going to get at the Thanksgiving table this year. 

What do you guys think about these stories? Do you think Dr. Phil is a d-bag? What would you do for a plate of nachos? Could your donut obsession get you arrested? Let's all go vacuum out our cars and discuss. Enjoy your weekend, babes!

Friday, November 18, 2016

Thanksgiving Is My Kiss Of Death

Thanksgiving is just a week away! The stores are more crowded than usual, Christmas decor is making its appearance, and I've gained five pounds just looking at the food pins on Pinterest.

I won't lie. I dislike this time of year. I associate it with a lot of loss, pain, and bad memories. For whatever reason, November plagues me like a super strain of syphilis in the porn industry. But I still have so much to be grateful for and I do my best to never lose sight of my blessings. (Neither should any of you!) 

It's all about perspective.

This gradient glitter mani is perfect for Thanksgiving and the fall in general. 

Pumpkin French Toast, be still my heart! If you guys don't follow Jaclyn (Cooking Classy) on Pinterest, you need to. My thighs feel thicker already and I'm not even mad about it.)

If you've read my blog even once, you'll know that I don't DIY very well. But I came across this cute Pottery Barn inspired fall decor project and I think I may actually be able to do this without catching anything on fire or cutting off any fingers.

Jennie from A Pocketful of Polkadots (I adore her) inspired me to do a little online retail therapy thanks to her styling of this cute striped asymmetrical sweater. It's on sale right now so that's a sign the universe wanted me to have it. Aren't her booties everything? Fall footwear for the win. Go visit her and she'll tell you how to get the look.

One thing I really adore about fall is flannel. Flannel shirts, flannel sheets, flannel scarves, flannel pajamas, you get the idea. This 30-second video tells you how to painlessly make your own flannel coasters. Quick, cute, and semi-effortless. I'm about that life. 

I'll leave you with this and wish everyone a delicious, fun, & safe Thanksgiving. 

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Thursday, November 17, 2016

Feed Me and Tell Me I'm Pretty - Spaghetti and Garlic Toast Grilled Cheese

This is a game changer and doesn't need any narration. If you don't like carbs on your carbs, you obviously aren't me. It's sweater season so we can hide a few extra pounds, right? Shout out to The Recipe Rebel for this one. Happy eating!


Delicious pin loading below, please wait.