Saturday, October 22, 2016

Web Roundup - Voting, Cooking With Semen, Poisoned Coffee, & 5 Chips

Hey, hey! I know I've been as radio silent as Kim K. lately, but I swear I have a slew of reasons that justify my absence. My kids face timed me while I was out running errands to tell me the fire department was on their way to our house. (It ended up being a brush fire that caught our greenhouse on fire. So much for my scheme of growing medicinal marijuana for the elderly on the low.) I kid, I kid. A perfect little greenhouse full of tomatoes and lettuce were the only casualties. It could have been worse, so I'm not even going to complain. Now with Firegate behind me, I'm back with the Web Roundup. Are you excited?

I voted early this year and I'm SO glad I did. I was third in line. Epic win. You guys are voting too, right? I know. Nobody likes either candidate. I hear that. But this is our country, what we're leaving behind to our children and their children. In case you haven't noticed, it's a real shit show. The economy is in the toilet, our jobs throwing us peace signs as they flee out of the country, social security is all but gone, police brutality, race wars, and our own streets littered with the homeless. (Over half a million and counting right here in the United States of America. Many of these being our own veterans.) But I'm not going all political crazy broad on you. I'm simply saying go vote. Every vote counts.

Except for this one:

You, sir, are an idiot. Thanks for pissing on your vote. Did the thought of writing in Jon Voight or Judge Judy cross my mind? Mmm Hmm. But I'm not a complete idiot.

Alright, enough about politics. How about we parlay into cooking? Across the pond, there's talk of a possible cooking class called "Cooking with semen." Yes, I swear. 

Students will be asked to bring their own sample to a secret location where they'll use it to prepare a three-course feast, complete with drinks. With items such as jerk chicken and schlong island iced teas on the menu, it's kind of hard to tell if this is for real. But if you're in the London area and want to sign up, you can do that HERE. (You gotta email me and tell me about this if you go!) I promise I will only judge you secretly. 

I don't know about you guys but my coffee is sacred to me. Nobody touches my java, nobody gets hurt. 

Heads up to those of you who are sharing a coffee pot, though. A Virginia woman has been charged with felony assault after dumping window cleaner into the community coffee maker at her job over the course of several weeks. Savage! Let this serve as a reminder to everyone who gathers around the company coffee maker/water cooler, you don't know who's doing what to your beverage. 

Let's talk chips.

A Swedish brewery is making the world's most expensive potato chip, yo! You may as well curb the Pringles mantra, "no one can eat just one" because well, no one can afford to eat much more than one. This five pack of chips, yes FIVE potato chips, goes for $56. Each chip is seasoned with rare ingredients. (Like something that cures cancer or turns you into a unicorn, I would hope.) 

That's what I have for you this week! Leave me a comment and tell me what you think about these stories. I'll be making my blog rounds this week, so expect a visit from yours truly! 

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