Monday, October 31, 2016

Happy Halloween, My Witches!

Happy Halloween, pumpkins! Today's post is all about Halloween, of course. 

I've managed to bribe my miniature into not trick-or-treating. (Gasp, the horror.) It only cost me a bag of candy and an X-Box game. So I think we all know who the real winner here is. It's just a scary time, y'all. Crazed clowns, heroin needles littering the streets, & a pedophile's favorite holiday, I assume. Call me cynical, I don't mind. I've been called worse. 

Scary movie alert: If you're looking for a great flick to watch tonight in the dark, I got your back! I watched this last night and I have to admit, I was a little sketched out afterward. I may or may not have held my pee until I woke up this morning. I wasn't about to venture out of bed in the dark after watching this.

We'll be making these adorable treats, later this evening.  Except I'm using store bought cookies because I can. Plus we all know how my Pinterest projects tend to turn out. I'll keep you guys posted. 

Keeping it morbid, because it's October 31st, I took a fun quiz to see how I died in a past life. In the snap of a 13 question "test", it was determined I died in a fight. Sounds about right to me and if Zimbio says, it must be true. You can take the test right HERE & find out how you checked out of your last life.I hope someone had the wherewithal to get me a gold casket. (Maybe even a handful of diamonds, just for good measure.)

Hilary Duff got grilled by social media for dressing as a pilgrim. You know, because she isn't one and how dare she dress up as one on the day you're supposed to dress up as anyone but yourself.

I wonder if her boyfriend knows he's not really an Indian? I swear people are way too uptight. If I were dressing up, I'd just dress up as a bitch. Because no one can say I'm not one. Flips hair.

Pumpkin Spice Girl

Pumpkin Spice Girl by webmdiva featuring a blue jean jacket

Pumpkin Spice Girl look via Polyvore. 

Do you guys have plans for tonight? Are you dressing up? Are you excited to steal your kid's candy? Do tell. 

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Web Roundup: T.Swift x Drake, Shiny Legs, & The Family That Slayed Halloween This Year.

Back for another installment of Web Roundup. You know how this goes. I round up some interesting, funny, & even downright bizarre stories from all around the world wide web. If you're new to my blog, check out previous installments of my Web Roundup here, herehere, & here.

Getting down to business!

The entire internet is in a tizzy because the rumor mill says my favorite 6 God, Drake, is dating Taylor Swift.

I'll give you a moment to pick your jaws up off the floor. Swifty attended Drizzy's birthday party recently, so I'm assuming this is what started all the speculation. I personally don't believe they're a thing. But I would LOVE for them to date hard, break up quickly, and put out the two best breakup albums ever. Fingers crossed!

These shiny legs have been popping up in newsfeeds everywhere. Then someone had to go ruin it for me and point out these aren't oiled stems at all. Just white paint giving the illusion (especially in small newsfeed pictures) that these legs are insanely oiled.

Mind blown.

Since Monday is Halloween it only felt appropriate to find something fitting the theme. This family just won Halloween with their trophy inspired costumes.

{Source Twitter}

Halloween goals, amirite?

I hope you are all enjoying your weekend. Do you have plans for Halloween? 

Friday, October 28, 2016

Martha and Snoop For The Win. Friday Faves

Two posts in one day? What can I say, I'm happy it's Friday and I've been freebasing Columbian coffee beans all day. I'm linking up with a couple of new (to me) bloggers. Don't worry, Web Roundup will be up tomorrow evening. True to my rebellious nature, my Friday favorites are all over the board. Here are the things I'm loving currently.

1. I'm SO looking forward to rapper Snoop Dogg & Martha Stewart's new show, Martha & Snoop's Potluck Dinner Party. They're the most unlikely duo and I love that. Check them out playing never have I ever on The Ellen Show. HIGHlarious.

2. This kind of goes without saying. Uggs go with everything, don't you know?

3. Dark mornings. The best part about fall isn't the leaves or pumpkin spice errythang, it's the dark mornings. I can drop my son off at school without makeup, bedhead in full effect, clad in pajamas and nobody is any the wiser. It's the small things in life.

4. Kim K. West is still on the lay low, you guys. Nothing on Snapchat, Twitter, or the Gram since the beginning of October. This all following her recent ruckus in Paris. Hmmm. Do you guys think she's traumatized or evading trouble with the law for possibly faking this whole thing? Anyway, I love to hate Kimmy. So the fact she's missing in action doesn't really hurt my feelings. But it is such a shame she lost all that baby weight and has to be in hiding now. I'll bet she's banking her selfies for when the dust settles. In the meantime, whatever will we do without her?

Kim & Kylie
Kylie & Kim

I think we'll figure it out.

5. Fashion bloggers, I know you MUST already know about this phenomenal woman but if you don't please go visit her. She is fierce, intelligent, and an absolute trendsetter. Her style is amazing and I can do no justice trying to introduce her properly. When I grow up, I want to be Accidental Icon.

So there it is, my Friday Faves. Linking up with these cuties, too! 
Life In Leggings

Inspirational Tampons, Anyone?

A beautiful, vivacious, happy woman clad in a white bikini jogging down the beach. What's the first thing that comes to your mind?


At least, that's how the marketing people at Tampax and Playtex feel. I know I feel my sexiest when I'm passing blood clots.
So how did this post come to fruition? The other evening I heard my son rifle through a drawer in our kitchen and immediately retreat to the bathroom he shares with his sister. If you have kids, you already know you can't trust a child with a permanent marker. Never. I knocked on the door, he told me he was using the bathroom and would be out in a minute. Hmm. I stood next to the door listening in. I heard the crinkling of plastic, my son's 'I'm up to no good' laugh, and then heard him spelling.


I pounded on the door again. I'm already envisioning him with homemade tatts and a penciled in Sharpie beard. Jesus take the wheel. He swung the door open, grinning from ear to ear. No handwritten tattoos, no Sharpie moustache. Whew.

Then I looked on the floor and noticed the Sharpie laying next to a basket that my daughter keeps her tampons in.

Upon further inspection, I discovered what my little Picasso had been doing.

I smell a money maker. Or maybe it's just the blood. Either way, my little genius is onto something. Ten years old and this kid may already need to apply for a copyright license. I want in on this action, because I'm business savvy enough to know this could be a payday. Not to be outdone by my miniature, I grabbed a few tampons and joined in.

So what do you guys think? Inspirational tampons; would you buy them? Is my son going to be a tampon mogul? Stay tuned!

Linking up with these lovely ladies:

Sincerely, Paula

Life with Baby Kicks

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Do You Have Money To Spend At Smashbox & Not Even Know It?

Hey, babes. Keeping this one short and sweet. A friend sent me a text the other day telling me to check Smashbox. They've apparently changed up their Pretty Points System. To be honest, I don't even remember how the system worked. I just know I don't remember getting anything great. It seemed to take a year to earn enough "points" for a free eyeliner.

I logged into my account and updated to the new Smashcash rewards program. It was as simple as checking a box and hitting return. Basically your previously earned "points" are converted to money. Now we're speaking my language. You get points that translate into dollars for spending at Smashbox. My existing points converted into a cool $24. I bought a lipstick with it and I'm pretty in love with it. Don't tell Kylie, but I like this formula so much better than her matte lips. (I have five of her lip kits, so if that tells you anything.)



There's more information about the program like how to earn points and the various levels. You can check that out here. Enjoy free shipping, free samples, & free returns on all orders within the U.S.

Let me know if you guys found some cash sitting in your account too & what you bought with it. 

*This post contais NO affiliate links. I'm not getting anything for passing this along. I just luh my readers. :)

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

I Made A Salad. Am I Pinteresting Yet?

The end is near, my friends. It finally happened. I've yielded a legit Pinterest result. Yes, seriously! I was a woman on a mission over this past weekend. I forced my husband to scour the tiny aisles of The Dollar Store with me because damn it, I was going to buy some Mason jars.

Mason jars were my safe bet. Have you seen how many things you can do with a mason jar? I knew I could make SOMETHING fly with these. After spending an hour deciding if I should bedazzle them, make light fixtures using them, or spray paint them, I made a rum and Coke in one of them and continued scrolling through Pinterest. That's when I found something I knew even I couldn't fail at.

Shoutout to this lovely Pinterest Princess for the idea that gave me my first Pinterest victory.

Make Ahead Mason Jar Salads-
That's right, y'all. Salad. AF. Watch out, Paula Deen. 

I also made a fruit salad using caramel as my "dressing." I topped it with cut up apples, grapes, strawberries, & bananas. But I ate it right away, so no Pinteresting photos. I'll hook that up for you next week when I salad prep for the week. This is a great way to prepare healthy salads for everyone in your family. They hold up all week as long as you layer them correctly. (Dressing has to be on bottom.) No more excuses. It's just as easy to open a lid as it is to open a Little Debbie wrapper. Sigh. Sometimes winning is really losing.

Epic Mommy Adventures

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Web Roundup - Voting, Cooking With Semen, Poisoned Coffee, & 5 Chips

Hey, hey! I know I've been as radio silent as Kim K. lately, but I swear I have a slew of reasons that justify my absence. My kids face timed me while I was out running errands to tell me the fire department was on their way to our house. (It ended up being a brush fire that caught our greenhouse on fire. So much for my scheme of growing medicinal marijuana for the elderly on the low.) I kid, I kid. A perfect little greenhouse full of tomatoes and lettuce were the only casualties. It could have been worse, so I'm not even going to complain. Now with Firegate behind me, I'm back with the Web Roundup. Are you excited?

I voted early this year and I'm SO glad I did. I was third in line. Epic win. You guys are voting too, right? I know. Nobody likes either candidate. I hear that. But this is our country, what we're leaving behind to our children and their children. In case you haven't noticed, it's a real shit show. The economy is in the toilet, our jobs throwing us peace signs as they flee out of the country, social security is all but gone, police brutality, race wars, and our own streets littered with the homeless. (Over half a million and counting right here in the United States of America. Many of these being our own veterans.) But I'm not going all political crazy broad on you. I'm simply saying go vote. Every vote counts.

Except for this one:

You, sir, are an idiot. Thanks for pissing on your vote. Did the thought of writing in Jon Voight or Judge Judy cross my mind? Mmm Hmm. But I'm not a complete idiot.

Alright, enough about politics. How about we parlay into cooking? Across the pond, there's talk of a possible cooking class called "Cooking with semen." Yes, I swear. 

Students will be asked to bring their own sample to a secret location where they'll use it to prepare a three-course feast, complete with drinks. With items such as jerk chicken and schlong island iced teas on the menu, it's kind of hard to tell if this is for real. But if you're in the London area and want to sign up, you can do that HERE. (You gotta email me and tell me about this if you go!) I promise I will only judge you secretly. 

I don't know about you guys but my coffee is sacred to me. Nobody touches my java, nobody gets hurt. 

Heads up to those of you who are sharing a coffee pot, though. A Virginia woman has been charged with felony assault after dumping window cleaner into the community coffee maker at her job over the course of several weeks. Savage! Let this serve as a reminder to everyone who gathers around the company coffee maker/water cooler, you don't know who's doing what to your beverage. 

Let's talk chips.

A Swedish brewery is making the world's most expensive potato chip, yo! You may as well curb the Pringles mantra, "no one can eat just one" because well, no one can afford to eat much more than one. This five pack of chips, yes FIVE potato chips, goes for $56. Each chip is seasoned with rare ingredients. (Like something that cures cancer or turns you into a unicorn, I would hope.) 

That's what I have for you this week! Leave me a comment and tell me what you think about these stories. I'll be making my blog rounds this week, so expect a visit from yours truly! 

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

I'm Not A Fashion Blogger, I Just Shop A Lot.

Much like every other red-blooded female in the entire world, I love shopping. I love shopping for shoes, clothes, home d├ęcor, cosmetics, booze, & even craft items. (I only buy crafting stuff because apparently I also love to fail at crafting. Which now that I’m thinking about it could be because of the booze shopping.)

The other day I was blog hopping because my bar hopping days are long behind me. I ended up spending hours looking exclusively at fashion blogs. I justified this by telling myself a new season means new clothes and I needed some inspiration. This led me to Polyvore. Do you guys know about this? Why did no one tell me? A place where I can shop AND play God by making my own style boards? I’m about it, you guys.

Polyvore Widget

(This is my cute little widget and I'm seriously thinking about speaking to someone about why they're using my likeness. Seriously, this looks alarmingly like me. Whoever she is, she's gorgeous. I'm just saying. Click it! I'm a follow back girl!)

Obviously I had to make a Fall faves board. 

Fall Favorites

Then I realized I called this "Fall Faves" and the turtleneck is $295. Unless an ultra rich Uncle dies leaving me a gigantic fortune, I would never pay almost three bills for a turtleneck. So I put together something just for you. (*You meaning all three of you reading this.) Here are my picks for everything you need for fall on a real life budget. I mean, none of us have Oprah money.

Fall'in On A Budget

Albeit, I’m typing this post up clad in sweatpants and a five year old tank top. I swear I clean up nice. Hoodies, combat boots, my Uggs, leggings, button up flannels, and beanies give me life this time of year. What do you guys like most about fall fashion?

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Web Roundup -Trick or Treat Edition; Offensive Halloween Costumes?

I love to play dress up and love controversy equally, so let's talk controversial Halloween costumes. 

Shoppers are in an uproar about the "Robbed Kim" Halloween costume. If you haven't a clue what I'm talking about, check out last week's Web Roundup post.

Here's what people are saying:

"A costume company released a Kim Kardashian 'Getting Robbed' outfit for Halloween. This is so disgusting. How could anyone do this?"

“This is absolutely disgusting! She is a wife, a mother, a sister, and most importantly a human being. Yes Halloween is a time to dress up and have fun but not at the expense of another person’s tragedy!”

“Congratulations on losing several customers with this tasteless piece.”

Long story short, the costume has been pulled because hurt feelings are real, y'all. The only disgusting part of this costume, for me at least, was its $69.99 price tag. Staging a robbery and pretending you were bound, gagged, and victimized is illegal, Kim. Yes, even in Paris. Too bad E won't pull the plug on you the way pulled the plug on this costume. 

Moving on. Disney also eighty-sixed a costume inspired by their upcoming movie, Moana. The character depicted is Polynesian demigod Maui. Maui is played by Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. Tan, tattooed, and chiseled to the max; so what's the problem?

Super adorable, right? Apparently not, as it has been branded as racist. Whuuuut?

YouTuber Chelsie Haunani Fairchild, who happens to be of Polynesian descent called the costume "creepy and disgusting." 

Chelsie goes on to say "You're literally letting children pretend to be Polynesian," she said.
"It's basically putting the skin of another (expletive) race onto your children and telling your children that this is OK ... that you can pretend to be another (expletive) race for Halloween." 
Chelsie, if somehow you ever stumble upon this I just want you to know something. You're literally a (expletive) idiot. Isn't the whole concept of Halloween to 'be someone else?' Since you're only 18, I ask that you hit me up in ten years & tell me how you (expletive) feel when your future son/daughter wants to dress up as Ariel from The Little Mermaid or Spongebob Squarepants. Because I'm going to assume your offspring won't be caucasian mermaids or sponges. Dumb.
Now some of you may beg to differ with me. That's completely fine by me since I've begged for much worse. Can't wait to hear your thoughts on these costumes, though!

I'm linking up with these lovelies, Laura for #EffItFriday and Paula's No Rules Weekend Blog Party. You can join in too, just click the buttons below. But before you leave, drop me a comment. Are you offended by either of these costumes? Why or why not? 

Bored af? Keep reading after the jump to check out my top picks for offensively awesome costumes. 

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

What's Your Favorite Scary Movie?

It's October. The leaves are falling, the air is cooler, & scary movies are key. As a horror film buff, I can tell you how you can easily keep yourself from being a victim.

1. Never wear matching bra and panty sets. Those broads always get the axe. So keep your undergarments mix matched, girls. Don't go trying to be a Vic's Secret model. It might just cost you your life.

2. Never take your shirt off. The moment your tits are out, you're vulnerable. Keep those puppies put up.

3. Don't go camping. This one is self-explanatory.

4. Don't have sex. Ever. No position is safe, so don't bother finding a loophole. Sex = death.

5. Don't babysit. The babysitter is always terrorized. It's a proven thing.

6. Refrain from saying "Hello? Who's there?" when you hear a strange noise. It only tells the killer where you're at and affirms that you're an idiot. Killers love easy prey.

7. The last and most critical rule; NEVER, EVER run upstairs to evade your killer. It's a guarantee you'll die. Try the back door or a window to make your escape. If you can't escape the house, grab a kitchen knife and go for the jugular.

Now that I've passed on this life-saving info, let's talk about scary movies. Do you like them? What's your favorite film? Inquiring minds want to know. These are my all time favorites. Check them out!

The original film is my favorite. Although the sequels & even Rob Zombie's remake are all acceptable.

 The Strangers
This is scary as shit, you guys. If you haven't watched it you're missing out.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Again, the original is life. But the remake is pretty awesome too.

Albeit a sensitive time to mention clowns, this is the movie that put clowns on the map for being insanely terrifying. Not to mention Stephen King can do no wrong.

House of 1000 Corpses
I love Rob Zombie's films. Every single one of them. He's sick and twisted. Without question, my cup of tea. (Bonus points because his wife is ultra adorbs & stars in all of his movies.)

While I wouldn't necessarily consider this a "horror film" it's getting an honorable mention. We'll call this a psychological thrill ride instead. This one is probably in my top 10 favorite films of all time. Watch it and thank me later.